New Me and a New You.

This past week a lifelong friend of my husband's passed away at the tender age of 38 with a rare form of leukemia. His name was Glen. When I first meet Glen I was greeted with tenderness, openness and calm soul that  appreciated the human spirit. He innately saw the good in everyone he meet, he was non-judge-mental and showed respect, dignity to all. Every-time he dropped in our home or called for my husband he always took the time to say hello and ask how we, the family were doing. He, himself was a real family man and proud of it. Each time I see his beautiful wife she is smiling, you could see how he and she desired to make each one of another happy and full-filled. They lived life, traveled and share 2 wonderful boys together. Glen really knew how to make you feel special even if you met him only once. When he passed, it really hit a raw emotion. When he was diagnosed, I think many of his friends and family believed he would beat this terrible disease as this is Glen, a vibrant, healthy, free spirit always smiling, strong, courageous happy man that of course would be better in no time. Glen lived in a way that we all would like to live. He believed you skip work to spend time with family and loved ones and not too live to work and he lived life. You could never imagine such a authentic spirit would ever fall to a disease any disease. Just doesn't seem possible.

This raw emotion is GUILT! 

Guilt can be a silent killer and I have been living with guilt each day for a long time. I am not sure when it crept into my life but it is here with a vengeance and  it has taken up permanent residence in my spirit. I first recognized it when Glen passed away as we haven't seem him since he has been sick. The routine of life just got in the way. The guilty feelings about Glen brought on many other situations that I feel guilty about.Some simple and others more complex. Guilt about not waking up earlier enough, guilt about not exercising enough or at all, guilt about not spending more fun time with my husband, guilt about not calling my girlfriends on a regular basis and seeing how they are doing, guilt about giving up on dreams that I have, as I am busy with a routine. A routine that can be changed. 

I don't feel guilty about everything, I feel insanely proud of my kids and a the tremendous effort, work and commitment I put into their lives to ensure their success. I don't feel guilty about parenting them and not befriending them, this I am proud of, however I believe there most be more. I feel guilty that I don't live, enjoy or love enough and make better use of my time. Life is really precious and can be short.

Glen and his lovely wife Anna have inspired me to live life more and to let go of my guilt and enjoy the everyday routine of my life, change what needs to be changed, don't procrastinate, reach out and grab a hold of the journey and start really living and enjoying the life I have.

Glen lived his life and I am sad to see him go but his spirit, his smile and his kindness lives on.

God Bless him!